Forging Masculinity Today pt. 2

Welcome to the letter this week. This week is part two, following last week. Part two was meant to cover fitness and finance within masculinity. However, I realized as I wrote this week that fitness needed its own week. I have much more information on finances coming over the next few weeks.

If you are reading the letter for the first time this week, I documented some takeaways last week on masculinity from a recent podcast interview featuring Rich Roll and Scott Galloway. You can check out last week’s letter here and the full podcast is linked below.

Part one deep dived a few principles out of that podcast that support healthy masculinity: Competence, confidence, and community. This week is a topic near and dear to me: the role of fitness in masculinity.

I. 

I’ve always been obsessed with fitness. It started at 12 years old. I was in my 5^th year of tackle football, but this year was different. This was junior high and junior high meant weightlifting for the first time. I did my first weightlifting workouts in the old upstairs gym of Corbett Jr. High, where we rotated through 20+ workout stations in the gym. Most were rusty weight machines, with pull ups and barbell bench press included. (No, I couldn’t do a pull up in junior high, but I’m happy to say I figured it out somewhere between 12 and 32 years old.)

This introduction to fitness at a young age forged a lifelong interest for me.

So, I loved when I heard Scott Galloway say on the podcast regarding fitness: any man under 30 should be able to kill and eat everyone in the room or outrun them.

Note the keywords here: to be able. It’s extreme, but it’s not about actually killing. It’s about being able bodied and it is one of our central themes of masculinity, that men should be capable. Men should be able to kill and to dominate and then choose to use that power to serve and protect those people in the room with them.

This is one of the paradoxes of masculinity: when men become stronger and more capable, they become kinder. They protect. Why?

This ties back to the central question men have, which I covered last week. Men want to know, “Do I have what it takes?” When a man knows he has what it takes, he no longer needs to look externally for that answer. The man who puts himself through the brutal paces of physical training for years is less likely to get involved in pointless and dangerous street fights. Why? Because he already knows he has what it takes.

This is why fitness matters for men. It’s more than getting jacked, although that’s a nice benefit. Fitness is a proving ground. It’s where men can show themselves they have the discipline to show up and the fortitude to push through. It shows men the outer limits of what they can accomplish when they grind at the same thing over time. It starts to answer their internal questions about themselves.

Fitness can’t answer every question for a man, but it I believe it contributes significantly to the picture of how a man views himself.

It brings message that reads like this for each accomplishment along the way:

• New PR on bench press: “I had what it took.”

• Run a half marathon – “I had what it took.”

• Choke someone out in jiu-jitsu – “I had what it took.”

(And often times, it’s as simple as: just show up today – “I had what it took.”)

This message starts getting reinforced from within when men work at a challenge and then succeed. Fitness is unique to other challenges, though. The fact that its physical speaks to the soul of men differently. The primal hunter/gatherer in us demands to know that we are physically capable.

II.

In December 2019, I made a change with my own fitness. I had long struggled with consistency. Consistency in the gym for me means five workouts per week. I would often hit my weekly workouts for a few weeks before the same story reemerged: I have an off week or two where I miss some of those workouts, feel bummed, and then start over.

I got tired of my own inconsistency over time. That December, I downloaded an app to track the days I completed my workouts. I knew if I started a few weeks before January, I could start the new year with a few weeks of momentum.

By March of 2020, those first few weeks turned into fifteen weeks of consistent work. I didn’t miss a workout. For the first time since maybe college, I had momentum. Then a break hit: COVID and working from home. My schedule felt easier because I wasn’t spending and hour and a half commuting every day. Since I had momentum, I hit it hard.

We know working from home doesn’t mean everyone now works out every day. I just decided to make the most of the opportunity. The decisions I made over the prior fifteen weeks set me up for success during COVID.

I kept tracking my workouts over the next year and a half. I didn’t miss a single week. I never thought I’d reach that. Even when I got COVID in December 2020, I managed 20–30-minute workouts that week to keep checking that box. I wasn’t breaking my streak after that long.

Then something even more unexpected happened after that first couple years: I stopped needing to track my workouts. After that much consistent work, I built within myself the pattern to keep going. It was no longer a struggle to maintain consistency.

Now, I don’t miss workouts. That period changed me. I haven’t had a single period since where I have fallen off. I don’t have to track it because it’s a part of me – it’s just what I do. Minimum five workouts per week. Now I know I have what it takes to show up.

And it’s led to some achievements. I’m not breaking world records, but I’ve set new PR’s on all my lifts, run 2 half marathons, got my BJJ blue belt, and competed in Hyrox.

In this period, I also ended up accomplishing most of my most significant professional goals to date. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence. I believe the consistency spilled over into the rest of my life. I believe it’s made me more consistent for the people around me. It’s made me a better man.

III.

In the podcast episode, Scott and Rich each gave examples on how fitness changed the trajectory of their lives. Part of why I respect them is because of their athletic backgrounds. Rich competed in the Ironman World Championships along with other ultra marathons and Scott rowed crew in college.

Scott made a strong point on this. When he rowed crew, at 800 meters into a 2000-meter race, he would start getting dizzy and seeing spots. Most people’s average workout doesn’t get them there (nor does it need to). Then he would go on to gut out the rest of the 1200 meters to finish the race. He pushed way past his perceived limits. That’s one way to show yourself you have what it takes.

It's not about hitting that limit every workout. It’s an example of how fitness can show men their capability.

Scott then parlayed that capability into his work: when he was young, he noted he would show up for work on Monday morning at 6 a.m. and work until 9 p.m. Tuesday, with less than an hour of sleep overnight. He already knew he could push his limits. He knew he was capable. You can bet that work capacity has something to do with his $100M in the bank today and that is has benefited those around him along the way.

Conclusion

My story in fitness started with a teenage boy’s fascination with rusty weights in a junior high gym. Over the last 20 years, it has given me a greater level of commitment and consistency. It has done the same for Scott and Rich.

There are several things needed to reestablish strong masculinity in society. Fitness is one of those pieces and for a lot of men, it’s a launching pad to become who they were meant to be in every arena of life.

Masculinity only works when men know that they are capable. Men need a physical challenge to overcome that reinforces the message, “You have what it takes.” Fitness allows us to put ourselves through that challenge daily, and that is the point of fitness for men.

We need men to be capable and strong. And then we need them to use it in the service of others. Strong men protect women and children. They run into a burning building. They lookout for those around them.

Fitness is a challenge and tradition men must carry on and pass down to become the best we can be. So men, get out there and challenge yourself.